This house is confusing today. There are lap dogs running around yapping, and then there are babies leading the older girls around with leashes tied to their waist. I guess they are trying to train the older ones to heel. The little ones can’t talk to give commands, but they can chatter their twin talk. All of their yelling makes it so easy to listen to TV or a playlist on the phone.
I guess I’ll have to use my superpower – focused concentration.
This is easy to do when done in toto. It becomes harder to do when I have to leave a way for my wife to talk to me. I think every woman is convinced that their man has tunnel hearing. Seems like we can hear the television or radio, but somehow we block out the important stuff they have to say. I don’t recall doing that. The wife says I have selective recall too. Hmm. Husbands have a lot of maladies.
Did I get that right? Oh, I forgot the part that they all think their man is a child at heart. Now? Okay, it’s complete. See what I mean?
Now that I’ve taken care of that, let’s talk about the unknown hazards of living in the country. Last evening there was an alert for our county. It seems there was a cougar, puma, or mountain lion in the county. Take your choice of names. They are all three noms de guerre for the same animal. Seems we had one in our county and it killed a horse.
This resulted in a hurried check to see if Shiloh our unicorn (what our youngest daughter calls the perfectly white pony) was still alive. We checked on Pepa our Vietnamese pot-bellied pig, and all of the chickens were still present and alive. Next, we checked the dogs. Okay too. So we buttoned everything up and everyone came inside. Just because we could, we did a head count for the kids too.
All of you that live in Africa. I know you have much more dangerous animals nearby, but the most dangerous animal around here are feral razorback hogs. Normally, they stay to themselves, just like the coyotes and foxes. Cougars are unexpected.
What we do have, and expect to have, are tornadoes and possible earthquakes. We get our share of nasty storms, not as many as Oklahomans but we get our share. We happen to sit on one of the most fierce fault lines in the States. The early 1800s was the last time it had a major event. During that quake the ground “rolled like the seas” and the Mississippi ran north.
I guess every place has its hazards.
Nothing that I know can compare with the imperilment of getting in the way of my children and their food, though. Let me explain. The last things my children need to worry about is where they will sleep (we own our home) and if they will get enough to eat. We serve mountains of victuals. All of them eat like they are nineteen-year-old boys that haven’t eaten for the last thirty hours, and may your Gods help you if you try to take food from them. Try it and they will act like the piranha with fresh meat just dropped into the river. I think their teeth sharpen on their own and their eyes roll back automatically.
I still haven’t figured out their strange habits during a full moon. Nobody has yet grown large quantities of hair on their bodies and all over their faces, and there hasn’t been anyone howling at the moon. But I do have one who doesn’t need any sleep while the moon is full. Amazing. Me? I’m one of those sleep-a-holics. There are very few things that will entice me to stay awake when I’m tired, and the wife controls most of those things. After dark, I will admit to enquiring into why someone is creeping around outside of the house, but that’s my job. I’m the dad, the husband, the one that served in the Army for years and an expert with a side-arm. That does not mean my wife couldn’t do it. She simply chooses not to.
The two of us divided up the chores years ago. I cook, she does the finances, she ramrods everything inside of the house, I take care of everything on the outside, including protecting it. Together we drive the herd of children from place to place. God love them all.
Now, where was I?
Oh, yeah. Life is dangerous around here. Hell, life is dangerous everywhere. I suppose it’s why we like to read thrillers from the safety of our own homes, perhaps sneak a read at the office. It reminds us in a subtle way that life is precarious, but more so for our favorite heroes.
Have you read mine, The Sigma Factor?
How about reading the Byte series, by Cat Conner? I recommend them all.