Get Up Off Your Ass!

We have had a vast job facing us for two or three weeks now. We’re working at training our kids to keep the house clean. A clean home is almost impossible. This is a continuous job and been happening for years, but it’s become intense during the last three weeks.

Be mindful that they are between the ages of three, going on four. (Their birthday is next month.) To two fifteen-year-olds. (They have their unique problems too.) Filling in the space between are smatterings of a couple of tweens (I think that is the current term for ten, eleven, and twelve-year-olds). The tweens are near menarche. The rest of the kids seem to believe they have a license to raise hell (life is but a scream). They take everything apart (with little thought to how it could go back together.) And of course, the younger still think every game they play on an iPad should be shared with the parent (except the sites they know have been banned but their parents.)

But let’s get back to the topic of cleaning. I know it isn’t Spring, so I can’t call it spring-cleaning. I’ll call it hmm … Get Up Off Your Ass and Clean Something! I might as well go with that because that’s the type of action I make them do. Simple but effective. 

It’s the same way with writing for me, except I have to edit the title. I have to say Sit down on Your Ass and Write Something. If you are astute you will notice I changed the punctuation too. That is because I don’t have to scream at myself. Writing is a highlight for me, not a drudge.

Writing is the best way for me to express myself. With that, please don’t jump to the conclusion that I can’t talk; I can do that. I’m not a mime, although I can do that too. By the way, why do mimes populate everything? It seems like they are everywhere, TV, movies, even animated cartoon movies. There are too many. And they certainly don’t have the quality of Marcel Marceau. I mean, anyone can get trapped by an invisible room, it’s not even a novelty anymore. But can they tell a story? Bring you to tears? Give your belly cramps from laughing?

I have expression skills — singing, dancing, acting, and yes, mime too.

I honed them in college. I would have been a performer, were it not for one thing – eating. It is one thing to starve yourself while starting as a performer. It’s quite another thing to ask a family to go hungry while you get your stage legs.

So, what the hell. When I write, I can do all of those things. I do them in my imagination. (Wow, what a concept.) The more realistic my vision, the better my writing.

While I am speaking of writing, the artist making the cover for my new book The Great Zero-Sum is close to finishing it. When she says it is ready, I will reveal the cover for everyone to see. What fun!

I think the cover will entice many of you into buying the book. Look, I know you can’t judge a book by its … well, you know. But it’s done all the time. Can anyone tell me that they haven’t chosen a book because of the cover? Be honest. Yup, I thought so. The job of the cover is to grab your attention. The description on the back clinches the deal, but the cover is what grabs your attention. If the author has a reputation, that will do it too. There lies the reason why authors want on the bestseller lists. Anyway, the first books have to be top-quality to climb onto those lists.

There is another thing I want to mention. I have a new feature on my website. You can now sign up for a newsletter. No, it’s not a weekly published ten-page magazine. What is it then? It’s a way for me to notify you, or anyone that signs up, about a new blog post, maybe a new book that I’ve finished, perhaps one of my colleagues might be ready to publish a beautiful book — things like that.

The important thing is, I will only use your name and email. It won’t be sold to anyone so they can bother you. Yeah, I hate that shit too.

All you have to do is find the subscribe button, click on it, and follow the prompts. The button is on every page, so it’s not hard to find at all. Try it out. Then I’ll send you an email to let you know a new blog post is here. You can always unsubscribe. What do you have to lose?