Are You Self-Aware?

It is time for another blog. I know it has been a couple of weeks, and believe me, the time has slipped away.

The glib use of the word time here is necessary, so most people will understand what I mean. It is tricky because that isn’t the way I envision time to be — I don’t think of time as a straight line. My thought is a point—one point where things happen together, Now.

I outlined my thoughts rather to the point in my forthcoming book, working title I’ve Been Thinking. The book is a bit of a stretch for me as it is my first foray into the world of non-fiction. For this reason, I sent it dutifully off to several people for a test read. Those of us in the book business call them Beta Readers.

I assume none cared much because I have not heard one way or the other from the readers. That means to me they did not want to tell me what they thought. It is easy to say I love it, not so much when many things need negative comments. So, It may be a while before it is in shape for publishing.

The best Beta Reader experience I ever had was for one of my thrillers. Robert hated it, and he told me everything he disliked. Then he finished off his letter with a paragraph filled with good things. I did not change everything he mentioned, but I did modify a great many. I loved the honesty Robert wrote about the book, and if truth be told, It made the book so much better. 

As it is, I must treat the book the way I had to treat and learn from my early days of writing. I must go through all of it, suspecting everything that could be wrong. The difference is my efforts don’t have to include writing mechanics like grammar. When done right, the potential learning is excellent, but it is tedious.

I learned grammar the first time I worked with no feedback, at least enough to weather through this time. So here I am, faced with a herculean task; I’m talking about rising from the darkness surrounding me and climbing until I can see the needed changes.

Hopefully, the above did not sound dark and sinister. There is always enough of that kind of crap—no reason to be dark.

Last night I didn’t get much sleep. It was just one of those nights that had things happen. Several of my kids spent their energy teasing another child, so I got up to officiate. It turned into more of a ringmaster gig instead of a boxing referee. I’m not sure I accomplished anything besides keeping myself awake.

After all of that, and I could drift off, my littlest had night terrors—dream spiders crawled over her as she slept. Sleep didn’t come until after she relived several horrific events, and the two of us exorcised the imagined arachnids.

Today I have the kids while my wife Catherine visits her aunt in Alabama. As always, my progeny test their limits, and there are often painful arguments among them. Honestly, they wear me down.

Now, as I sit before my computer searching for something to write, the fortitude I need fades, and I am mentally exhausted. 

But as my thoughts circled the drain, I thought through my new book, and I realized for an incalculable time that I am at peace. The Universe sings and the vibrations that create me beat precisely in time with everything around me (even my son that just woke, the one that tends to yell). I feel energy resonate from my surroundings through me.

This kind of energy is always with us; it covers us inside and out. If you sit still and relax, it is possible to feel the oscillations that form you and the things around you. It is very close to the nervous energy. That is precisely how it feels.

Have you ever wondered why that kind of energy makes you want to get up and do something?

I believe it is there to remind us that we belong to everything around us, and the energy itself is part of that which tells us we are alive. It is always there, continually coming from the Great Love, Alphore. 

I don’t think I’ve talked about Alphore before in the blog here. I spend chapters on it in my new book, so I’ won’t go through that whole thing here; I have neither the time nor space. But let me say this about it: I theorize the existence of a love from which all other kinds of love derive, and that is what I call Alphore. It buzzes through all of us, passes through everything, and without it, we would not be.

Through Alphore, you can feel that you are in the correct place, both in time and place. As that happens, a solid experience of tranquility blossoms, knowing deep down in your core that this is where you need to be. Feel it yet?

Welcome to being self-aware.

I think you will like my book.


  1. Yes, I feel it. Glad you do too, and hope that everyone gets to feel Alphore more and more often in their lives.

  2. I love reading your thoughts. They make me think deeply about things. Please continue to do so. Love you for it.

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