It occurs to me that I have changed. No, I’m not writing about the normal metamorphosis during our lifetimes. You know, the usual gentle seasoning that happens to us all. No, this isn’t any gentle leavening.
I know why. Wait … I know when it happened. I didn’t notice it until the other day, but it has been coming for a long time. The change began when my wife asked me for the separation with the mindset there would be a divorce. The result is I find I don’t care. No that’s not correct.
Now that I’ve said that, I have to backtrack and explain. It is not that I don’t care about anything at all. I still care about people. I have compassion for animals. I even realize I have an affinity for truthfulness. There is also the never-ending love for my children, all of them, along with the five grandchildren with the one on the way. They are all wonderful human beings — also humans in general. Hell, I even care for the ex-wives, although not nearly like I did before.
What I don’t care about is what people think of me. Yep, that’s it. Well, no. As you can tell, it was slow for me to realize. It snuck up on me with the speed of a constipated sloth. It was so stealthy that I didn’t even recognize the happening of it all. I only woke up fully within the past few days.
I did know something was different, just not in what direction. It was much like knowing you trapped an animal but not knowing what kind. Or, even worse, knowing you trapped a cat but not understanding it could be a neutered tabby or a pissed-off leopard.
Fortunately, there wasn’t anything as drastic as that. But I knew I had changed and felt better about it. It was as though Atlas took the time to shotput the earth away and was able to stand up straight.
I had several hints coming my way with it all.
I began my latest published book; I Am, Therefore I Think musings of the Universe, which I wrote on a quiet, almost hidden perch for myself. I knew several of the ideas within could rub some people a little raw or make people stand back and say, “Wow, that is strange.” I debated about using a pen name. But as time passed and the closer it came to publishing it, I found that I didn’t need a nom de plume. I felt free when working on it with my editor, Jayne Southern. The trepidation I might have felt all those years I researched the concepts I wrote about was gone.
This last week another revelation came when I woke up to the idea that with the concepts in the book, I described my inner self to a T, and when I explained it to others, well, they didn’t give a shit. So, it may be that someday when I’m gone to the happy hunting groun— Well, okay, when my time is over here, some people will realize that I was wide and open with so many things and they didn’t notice.
Ah, but again, I’m missing the urge to care. This feeling isn’t the sort of thing as peer pressure or the absence of said pressure. It comes out to be not getting worked up over someone else’s opinion.
That is not to say I don’t care about public opinion regarding my book sales. That is different. What I’m describing above is not being overly concerned about the personal opinions of people. Professional opinions and curiosities still need cultivating.
It should be unsaid — Professional and personal lives need only conjoin at a tangent. I believe many stars complain about paparazzi crossing the line between their personal and professional lives, and I understand that, although I’ve never been famous. At the most, I enjoyed occasional notoriety. There were a few days of infamy in the Army, but short lasting.
I am now where the phrase I don’t care needs explaining. I mean, now that I explained what I’m not talking about.
I find myself in this position: I have an undeniable urge to disregard others’ judgment of me. It’s not so much an uncaring attitude directed at others; at its base, it is an uninterest in others’ disappointment in me in whatever way the expression of that notion happens to be.
There are countless ways that society rages its disappointment in individuals. And you know what? I highly recommend the freedom that swooped over and covered me with the realization that rendered those disenchantments useless where I am concerned. The related frustrations I self-contained have evaporated.
I have always been empathic, especially when concerned with interactions with others. Positioning is helpful when dealing with people and internally while dealing with me.
But I have found a way to disengage from the negative feedback I receive in the form of emotional shock. I discovered a way to ground myself.
Curiously it set me free to soar. The ascension I refer to is an intramural event, occurring inside of myself.
Suppose others found a way to achieve this kind of success. In that case, I think they would benefit greatly — achieve inner uplifting, forgetting any blame associated with others for the down-rifting, other people, other beliefs, or any denigration. All that is needed is to set themselves free. It is up to them, not the opinion of others.
As my longtime friend, Paul Hoyt, explains in his Mind Sequencing program, shift your mindset, change it, and lift yourself free to be the best you can be. So many can benefit.
My excitement about my new book that is now available is hard to contain; it makes me bounce around even as I try to sit still. It is available where booksellers ply their trade — eBooks, paperbacks, and hardbacks. But I’ll make it easy; simply click here and see more. Buy it now!
And don’t forget to check out my publisher’s site, United Indies Publishing House. There are many of my fellow authors that I’m sure you will enjoy.
The last thing I recommend is for you to click on my newsletter. You will enjoy having notifications of my blogs and other things. It’s free. I won’t bother you except for what’s promised, and I will not give or sell your information to anyone. You will enjoy it. Check it out!